My Big Brother

I can say with absolute certainty that the last 2 weeks have been the worst of my life.  On the 26th of August my brother passed away and my heart broke.

He had been ill for a long time and was diagnosed with lung cancer in May 2015.  At first his doctors were very hopeful but sadly radiation therapy and chemotherapy had no effect on the tumour and in January we were told that there was nothing more that they could do and it was now just a case of making him as comfortable as possible.  For a lot of the time that he had left he was in and out of hospital, he had only been home for 2 weeks and 2 days after a 3 month stay when he died.  We knew that we wouldn't have him for long but none of us expected it so soon.

On Tuesday 6th September my Mum and I delivered the eulogy at his funeral, I don't know how we found the strength but I think we did him proud.

Now we all have to find a way to carry on without him.  David loved life and made sure that he did all the things that made him happy and I know that he would want us to do the same.  I didn't share all the same interests as David but I do want to adopt his philosophy on life and live my life to the fullest.

I love you David!

A Step in the Right Direction

I have had a really good week with my eating, I’m not following a plan but just cutting down on portion sizes and cutting out the crap.  I am making a real effort to eat as much fruit and veg as I can as well.  I weighed myself on Sunday and I have managed to lose 3lbs which I am really pleased with.

I really need to make sure that I keep it up this week as well because we have just booked up to go to Blackpool on Saturday for a week.  I will weigh myself on Saturday before I go and I, hopefully, won’t do too much damage while I am away, I think there will be a lot of walking involved so that might counteract the odd cocktail or 4.

 

 

First Step to a Happy Me

I think the first thing I can do to look after my mental wellbeing is to look after myself physically.  I had lost 4 stone in weight but after my Grandad died 2 1/2 years ago I started to put it back on.  I was just getting myself back on track when my brother was diagnosed with Cancer last year.  The last 18 months have been incredibly stressful and I have turned to food for some sort of comfort.  Unfortunately, I know that there are worse times to come but I have to face up to the fact that if I don't do something about my weight now then I am as good as killing myself.

I have serious issues with my pelvis and I have arthritis in my feet and ankles along with a list of other things.  None of these things have been caused by my weight but they are certainly being aggravated by it.  I can honestly say that I have never felt as bad as I do now, it is painful to walk and I am so tired walking just a short distance.  I have to do something about it now!

So what am I going to do?  Other than lose weight and improve my general fitness, I really don't know.  I have been to slimming clubs before and they have worked but I don't really want to go back to the one I went to before so I think I might just calorie count for now.  I am also going to up my walking, even though it hurts and maybe fit in some swimming.

To try to keep me motivated I am going to document my journey so check back soon to see how it goes.

Thanks for reading xxx

I Choose to be Happy

Four years ago I hit rock bottom.  Looking back, I had probably not been in a good place for many years but something, so small that I don't even remember what it was, pushed me over the edge.  I remember practically running home from work because I knew that the floodgates were about to open and I didn't want to be in a public place when it happened.  I got to the front door and just broke down.

I knew that, for everyone's sake, I needed to get help.  I went to my doctor the next day and just broke my heart.  I was diagnosed with anxiety, stress and depression and was prescribed medication and referred for counselling.  Initially it felt as though a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders but my doctor had warned me that things would probably get worse before they got better and boy did they!

I struggled on at work from my melt down in July until the end of October and I finally had to admit that I couldn't do it anymore.  My doctor signed me off and I ended being off work for 3 months.  In that time I spent time on myself, through the counselling, especially the cognitive behavioural therapy,  I learned techniques to keep myself calm and cope in stressful situations and I managed to get myself well again. 

I vowed that I would never let myself go back there and for a long time I believed I never would.  Recently though, I have felt myself slipping.  There are some very real and very sad things going on in my family just now and I feel like I am losing control of my life again.  What makes it worse is that I know where all this can lead and it is terrifying.

Well, you know what?  I am not going to let it happen!  I need to reclaim the control, concentrate on making me well again and kick mental health's butt.

My plan is to try to be super organised to minimise the stress, let my creativity flow as a form of therapy and put some serious effort in to my blog and my YouTube channel. So watch this space for updates on how I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

Thanks for stopping by xxx